Fear of Man

It has been over a year since I last blogged. I haven't written because for me when I know I am refusing to adhere to the Lord's commands, I often feel as though I have no idea which way is up or down. That was this last season for me. I will not write the specifics of the trials we faced, I don't believe that would bring much profit, and I would hate to cause any pain to the parties involved. I will say after lengthy prayer, council, and study of His Word, I realize that the trials we largely faced was in part to my fleshly desire to please man, instead of chiefly desiring to please God.
Oh how great the need - to please others, to have others "like" me, to not disappoint, to keep from causing strife - how these needs often determine what I do. This fleshly need can often out way the very truth that I am loved dearly by an Almighty God. It's sad really. And I know I am not the only one who struggle with this compulsive need, that's why in part I am writing this.

I was thankful to friends that have faithfully pointed me back to scripture time and time again, asking me to plainly and prayerfully read it. They encouraged me to then act as to the very convictions the Lord placed on my heart. I was often reminded by this passage, "The fear of man brings a snare,But he who trusts in the LORD will be exalted" (Proverbs 29:25), and what a snare I laid for myself! Paul understood that we may have times we contend with others when he wrote, "So then, brethren, stand your ground, and hold fast to the teachings which you have received from us," (2 Thessalonians 2:15) for there may be times we will have to stand firm in our convictions, and in doing so stay clear of any snares. 


And what a God I have, that even in this season He would bless me with His discipline or teaching. Hebrews 12:3-13 says:

"Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. ⁴ In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. ⁵ And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?

“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,

    nor be weary when reproved by him.⁶ For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,    and chastises every son whom he receives.”

⁷ It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? ⁸ If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.⁹ Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject tothe Father of spirits and live? ¹⁰ For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. ¹¹  For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.¹² Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, ¹³ and make straight paths for your feet,"

So what small and wonderful trinkets of truth has He placed inside my heart? Well, first He has reminded me that perfect love is found only in Him (1 John 4:9). I need not look for it else where for it doesn't exist - people do fail us, but God never will. This frees me from the burden of working for the love of people. I am only commissioned to Love God, and Love Others.

Secondly, this season I have learned that counsel apart from God's word often proves little help, and more often can even be destructive. 2 Tim. 3:16-17 says, "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching,rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." God knew what He was doing when He gave us the Bible, we don't have to twist, ignore, or distort His truth in order that we may have new teachings because we fear His way won't work. His timing is perfect, and we need merely to trust him and live His way.


Finally, I believe He has really taught me to trust Him with everything - including finances. I have prayed often for opportunity to live by faith, but I never gave Him the opportunity to show Himself. It took God having to take away my job, and for me to be rejected again and again, for me to finally get to say - GOD PROVIDES! NOT I! Eric and I have had to put aside pride in order to accept help, and we have had to lean SOLELY on the Lord when when didn't know how we going to pay our bills this month. And it has been the toughest to find Joy even in this seemingly hopeless situation. God knew we were probably never going to give up our control over our finances, so He had to take it back forcefully, and I am ever thankful He did! (Small note - He has provided future finances through a job offer I finally received, which came only after I finally got to the place of praying His Will Be Done, instead of asking for a job.)


So life now seems well - peaceful. We're not worried about money, and are eager to even tithe - with or with jobs. Eric and I have come together to search God's scriptures and to pray like never before. I have a new view of God's love for me, and I am eager for God's will in my life, and not my own - for my fear and love for Him, though never enough to repay the work of the Cross, is so much more then it's ever been.